Madeleine Wastes the Day

I don't know what happened today. I guess the same thing that happened all those other days when I wanted to write when I woke up in the morning, I was actually looking forward to it, but then I did not write. There are still a few hours left tonight, so maybe I will write, though that is doubtful.

So I wanted to write. I planned on writing. I didn't write.

More specifically...

I woke up early. I had to do some work from home (for my job) so I went to the cafe down the street first thing and did it. Then I finished my last Mildred post--finally--in which I said that I needed to go home and start writing. I was home by 10AM and feeling pretty good. I had accomplished a lot by 10AM and I had the whole day ahead of me. Then, instead of writing, I finished a New Yorker article I had started last night on the subway. Mistake #1. I should have started writing immediately upon my return. Then I made coffee and turned on the radio; I wanted to hear about Ted Kennedy's replacement. Mistake #2. Once the radio is on, it never goes off. I kept reading. All this time, I was telling myself, I've got plenty of time--I'll finish this and then I'll start writing.

But first I'll balance my check book and pay some bills. Why do I do this when I'm going to write? There is some deep psychological reason... Any guesses, Agnes? Readers?

Lunch time. Or nearly lunch time, but I had finished the article, and it would be easier and more practical and time-saving to make my lunch before starting to write; otherwise I would have to stop writing in an hour to make my lunch. Mistake #3 or #4. I'm losing count of my mistakes because there have already been so many. I make lunch and listen to the NPR news summary. Then the interviews on the radio show begin--I can't remember who but I listen and eat my lunch. My lunch makes me tired! I think I'll take a nap, just 15 minutes, then I'll be ready to write.

30 Minutes later, I'm up. I wish I could check my email. I try to find an open Internet connection. There aren't any. This is NOT a surprise. There are NEVER any open lines during the day and rarely any at night. But I spent time looking, anyway. Are you counting the mistakes, readers? Then it's the afternoon. I had planned on going to Chelsea to visit some galleries in the late afternoon to reward myself for my day of writing. Maybe I should go now and write when I get home... I think on this for some time, then decide that, yes, I'll go into the city now and write later. That seems like the most practical idea.

(This summary of my day, I find, is totally humiliating.)

It's now 3PM and I am on the subway going into the city. I bring my writing! I thought I would read it on the subway so that when I got home after going to galleries and before dinner, I would be ready to write. Maybe I'll even write some on the train. (An acquaintance does all of his writing on the train; he rides the subway from end-of-line to end-of-line for hours and writes until he is done for the day. I admire this dedication and discipline and wish I was the same way.) Anyway, then galleries. Two hours later, I call a friend to see if he wants to meet me for coffee. He does! We have a lovely coffee date.

6:30 I'm on my way home. I am ready and excited to write. I organized the day perfectly! Pat on the back for me. In fact, why don't I stop at the Strand on the way home, look at books. I haven't been to the Strand in a long time. And there's still so many hours left in the day.

8PM. Home. Hungry. Eggplant must be cooked tonight or it will turn in the morning. Recipe takes one hour. Delicious! Lots of cleanup. While I eat, I check my computer to see if I have Internet access. I do! Thank you B's MacBook Pro! Let me check the news...

So that was my day. It is 10:30. I just spoke to Agnes. She didn't get anything done today, either. I tell her not to worry. She worries.

I am mortified. Will this depressing summary--out there for everyone to see--make me change my wasteful ways? I hope so. I think so.

There are still a few hours left in the day--certainly enough time to finish my next paragraph, otherwise: No writing today.