Madeleine Returns Again, This Time for Good

I can't believe I let another week pass without writing on the Mildred after rededicating myself to this project in one of my last posts--and especially because of the lovely comments i received from our dear readers. (I am thrilled whenever I see that there is a new comment.)

I have lots of excuses, but I won't list them here, and, really, i think it comes down to (again) the fact that I have still not finished Story #1. I continue to be mortified by this.

So why is it not finished, especially since--and this is the truth, readers--I have been working on it diligently?

Some possible reasons or perhaps variations of the same reason, I am not sure:

1.) I have fallen into my old, bad habits. When I sit down to work on Story #1, I tell myself that I will NOT reread the story from the beginning, that I will write new parts of the story ONLY, because I know that rereading will trap me in rewriting, and if I continue rewriting then I will never finish Story #1. But I can't work that way, i.e., I find that each time I sit down to write I HAVE to reread the story from the beginning. Clearly this is not yet an "old" habit and it might be a habit that I will never be able to change. One solution I am going to try this week: not writing on my computer. If I write in longhand, it's more difficult to rewrite. We'll see.

2.) The first half of Story #1 was (over)praised in class. Praise is wonderful, of course; it is always nice to hear that people like your writing. It was also a relief, too, because I have been working on this story and the others for a long time; the fact that random people got it and even enjoyed it was satisfying. But I have to write the end of the story, and perhaps the over-the-top praise made me feel like whatever I write, however I end the story, will not measure up. I am going to disappoint everyone! I have learned that I should not show my work too early. Of course, I knew this before and did it anyway. Perhaps I wanted praise? (Of course I wanted praise....)

3.) I am tired of writing Story #1. I am! I've gotten to the point where when I reread the story (see #1) I can only see what's wrong with it. More than usual, I mean. And I'm way behind schedule and then this leads to thoughts of wasting my time (despite point #2), that the stories are dumb and outdated and really i should be writing something new, something brand new, something not having to do with these stories--a novel or a play or even Story #2, which I have begun thinking about. Anything but this! I would love to write a play, especially that play I have been trying to write for six years! Now is the time to write that play! (I sort of got lost in the middle of point #3. Agnes interrupted me. Yes, Agnes is still around, even if she is not writing on this blog. Plus, the fact that I have been trying to write a play for six years is depressing and embarrassing and gave me pause.)

4.) I have to write Story #2. Right, I know--you just said, Madeleine, in point #3, that you want to start writing Story #2, anything but Story #1, etc.etc. But, readers, that is way different from actually having to write it. Once Story #1 is finished, and all of the drama of writing it is behind me, I have to begin Story #2, which is daunting. And I need to finish it in less time that it took me (is taking me) to finish Story #1, because otherwise I won't even finish two stories by end of May, 2010.

There are more reasons, I am sure. If you can think of any, readers, please comment!