Madeleine Plans a Lovely Day, but Then...

I am not at the office today. I was supposed to be there, but they asked me not to come in, because there isn't much work at the moment. I had mixed feelings about this. I need the money, and I don't want a precedent to be set where the company feels like they can ask me not to come in when there isn't much work, especially since there's never much work and we agreed when my schedule was set that I would always work at least three days per week. But on the other hand, I am always happy not to go into work. A free day! I don't need the money that badly! And, most importantly, I can use this day to do what I really want to do which is work on Story #1 so that I can finish it by my new deadline!

(You can see where this is going....)

What a wonderful day I had planned! And it was so beautiful and warm outside! I was going to get up early to go to the post office and have a coffee then come home mid-morning and write for a few hours, before going into the city to visit some galleries on my way to Brooklyn this evening for dinner and a play.

I did go to the post office; I did have coffee; but then I went to the bookstore and read some magazines and had another coffee. I got home at noon. Lunch! Plus email to check, and then I had to check the news for a minute, and I thought I'd call Agnes, see what she's up to (maybe she'll come back and tell you sometime) then more emails and more websites and finally, around 2 p.m., writing.

And, like always, I was excited to write, this time more excited than usual. My last class was Wednesday, and the teacher got a bit drunk on last-class wine, and he opened up about his life as a writer, which sounded a bit dismal, frankly, especially for such a successful writer (i.e., money struggles, no sales, worries about never managing to write enough), but i find it so reassuring when "real" writers talk about their frustrations, difficulties, etc. etc. They can't always meet deadlines, either! They have blocks and bad days and disappointments, too! Obvious, I know, but it makes me feel less like a freak and even a little hopeful. Perhaps this is a bit perverse, I don't know, but the point is it got me in the mood to write Story #1 again. My struggles with Story #1, I realized, are not uncommon; they're part of the writing process, perhaps the most vital part of the writing process.

So that was Wednesday night. Thursday I worked and felt great as I reflected on the above. Then Thursday night I got the email at my office saying please don't come in tomorrow. Frustration quickly replaced by joy and planning a lovely, busy day.

2 p.m. and ready to write. That's when I convinced myself that it would be a good idea to write in my bed. I once read an interview with Daniel Mendelson (spelling?) and he said that he always writes in his bed. I've heard of other writers who do that, too. Maybe this would work for me! I went to my bed--and discovered that the bed is not a good place for me to write. The bed is a good place for me to sleep (and check my email, of course).

So no writing today. I am trying not to feel bad about this. Or maybe I should feel bad about this? I'm sure I will feel bad about this if I miss my new deadline, even though I am really trying not to think about the deadline all that much. Or maybe I don't think about the deadlines enough? More on all this later.