Bad Madeleine or Madeleine Makes Herself Sick or Madeleine Wonders

I am at home and I suddenly have Internet, so I think it's time for me to post again.

I don't know what to say, though; or, I do know what to say, but I am embarrassed to say it.

No writing today. Or very little, anyway.

There I said it. Ert.

The day is not over yet though, etc., etc.

Plus I just ate a whole thing of grapenut pudding. I was not going to do that but then I did. I bought a lot of vegetables at the market today, because I was going to eat healthy this weekend, especially tonight since I planned to be home, but then I ate the grapenut pudding instead. The thing is when I start eating grapenut pudding, I can't stop.

And I can't stop reading about the health care bill, either. This is whenever I have Internet. Not the bill itself just all of the politicking around it. It makes me sick. I read about the Tiger Woods scandal, too, which is even more ridiculous.

Also, I have been reading novels. I read a Sarah Waters book which was not as good as Fingersmith, but still I couldn't put it down. Sometimes I read as a way not to write; reading seems virtuous when compared to sitting around and watching TV (I don't have a TV anymore) but in the end both activities achieve the same result, i.e., not writing.

I did dust my furniture today--my apartment generates a lot of dust, which is a metaphor for something--but, again, this virtuous activity was in service of bad habits, bad behavior, procrastination, and the rest.

Now I am questioning whether I am using the word "virtuous" correctly. I am certainly using it too much. Perhaps I am losing my mind.

This quote from actress Jennifer Jones really struck me this morning when I was reading her obituary: "When you're young, you're full of hope and dreams. Later you begin to wonder."

I'm wondering.