I'm still writing Story #1. I think I figured out the ending today.
Even though I haven't been writing it, I have been thinking about it all the time.
I don't think I have been writing on the Mildred, because I want to finish Story #1. Or I should say that I don't feel like I have much to say on here until I finish Story #1.
I have a new deadline for myself which I will not write here because I am feeling superstitious.
But it is not so far away and I will tell you, readers, if I miss it. I promise. I don't think I wil miss it. I so do not want to miss it! Perhaps you could guess what date it is? That should give you something to think about until you hear from me again.
Some mixed news: I am already thinking about Story #2. Mixed news because, good, I am thinking about Story #2 and preparing to write it, etc., etc., bad, because I am thinking about Story #2 before I have finished Story #1.
(Though, re: above, you might hear from me again before I finish Story #1. I am working at the office the next few days, and hopefully I won't be so busy, so maybe I can write something.)
This is not the most interesting post, I know. I felt like I had to write something, so I did. That's exactly how this post reads--like something that had to be written.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Madeleine Freaks Out
I have to turn in Story #1 to my class tomorrow morning. I am NOT going to finish it.
I am trying to change the way I go about writing a story, my process, etc., but it can't be changed. Before I can move on and write new parts of a story, I have to go back and revise the parts that I have written. Only when I am happy with them can I move on and write new sections.
I don't want it (i.e., my writing process) to be this way, but it is. If I act against it, I get blocked.
I have revised the parts that I wanted to revise, and I am so happy with them now. But that took some time. As I said I was very happy to take that time because I feel like the writing that I got done was good. Now, though, it's impossible for me to finish this story by tomorrow AM.
Also, I feel like the reaction I got from the class when I showed the first half of the story, while it felt good, is NOT helping. Whatever I do in this second half, especially whatever I do now as I rush to finish something, is going to disappoint.
It shouldn't matter, I know. But my point is that I don't want to talk about it if I have to rush to turn it in, because I already know what the problems are going to be.
Agnes just tried to calm me down, soothe my nerves, and that's nice, I appreciate it, but still the story will not be finished in time. I am very disappointed.
Maybe I should turn in a different story? I don't want to.
I guess all I can do is keep working on the story tonight and do what I can do. I can't think about finishing the story; I can only think about finishing the next part of the story.
Having said all this, I am very happy with the story and with my progress. Really. I was going to type something else but now I've forgotten what it was.
LATER: That was all a bit dramatic, wasn't it?
I am writing the story again. It will not be finished by tomorrow, yes, but it's okay.
This, too, is progress. Normally, or before, I would have paralyzed myself.
I am trying to change the way I go about writing a story, my process, etc., but it can't be changed. Before I can move on and write new parts of a story, I have to go back and revise the parts that I have written. Only when I am happy with them can I move on and write new sections.
I don't want it (i.e., my writing process) to be this way, but it is. If I act against it, I get blocked.
I have revised the parts that I wanted to revise, and I am so happy with them now. But that took some time. As I said I was very happy to take that time because I feel like the writing that I got done was good. Now, though, it's impossible for me to finish this story by tomorrow AM.
Also, I feel like the reaction I got from the class when I showed the first half of the story, while it felt good, is NOT helping. Whatever I do in this second half, especially whatever I do now as I rush to finish something, is going to disappoint.
It shouldn't matter, I know. But my point is that I don't want to talk about it if I have to rush to turn it in, because I already know what the problems are going to be.
Agnes just tried to calm me down, soothe my nerves, and that's nice, I appreciate it, but still the story will not be finished in time. I am very disappointed.
Maybe I should turn in a different story? I don't want to.
I guess all I can do is keep working on the story tonight and do what I can do. I can't think about finishing the story; I can only think about finishing the next part of the story.
Having said all this, I am very happy with the story and with my progress. Really. I was going to type something else but now I've forgotten what it was.
LATER: That was all a bit dramatic, wasn't it?
I am writing the story again. It will not be finished by tomorrow, yes, but it's okay.
This, too, is progress. Normally, or before, I would have paralyzed myself.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Madeleine Feels Guilty Again
On my way home from work tonight I suddenly thought of the Mildred. Why have I not been writing on it? When did I write on it last? Have I lost all of my readers? To have left the readers hanging like that—I feel so guilty. I abandoned them at the most crucial moment. Perhaps they are worried about me. Perhaps they think I have given up on the Mildred altogether or even that I have given up on writing altogether! Am I really such a thoughtless person? (Don’t answer, Agnes.) Well, there’s that—there’s always Agnes. At least Agnes has been writing on the Mildred. Agnes will pick up the slack and give the readers something to read. Perhaps she’s even been writing about me. She’s a great girl that Agnes, you can always count on her….
I was planning to post something today at work, but I got busy and work is always a problem. I feel so self-conscious there and the thought of anyone from the office seeing my blog and then reading my blog is totally horrifying. Anyway I decided that I had to post something tonight—it’s been too long—so now I’m at a café down the street from my apartment, taking the time while my sweet potato bakes in the oven. (That is not a euphemism. I mean that literally.)
So let’s get to it. The down and dirty. (That doesn’t sound right.) But the details—maybe in the form of a Q&A.
Reader A: What’s happened to Story #1? Is it finished? It must be finished. Then how about Story #2? Or are you on Story #3 already?
Madeleine: Whoa, Reader A, you have not been reading the Mildred very carefully AT ALL. I suggest you review some of the more tragic posts from October or September, really any of the posts, and you will realize how outrageous, how unlikely it would be for me to have completed Story #1 by now. It is only November 10. I have only been working on Story #1 since July or August. I need a little more time.
Reader A: A little more time? A little more time? You said you were going to be done with Story #1 before your class started. Isn’t your class almost over by now?
Madeleine: My deadlines, Reader A, are always flexible. The important thing is that I finish the story…
Reader A: So when are you going to finish it?
Madeleine: This weekend, hopefully Friday night. Probably early Saturday morning.
Reader A: Your waffling again, Madeleine! And why should we believe you now?
Madeleine: Because you’re right. My class is almost over, and my second workshop is coming up, and I have to turn in the second half of Story #1.
Reader A: I thought you were going to turn in Story #2 for your second workshop.
Madeleine: I was going to but I got bogged down in Dreaded Paragraph 2 in Story #1, and I couldn’t manage to finish a complete draft in time.
Reader A: More excuses.
Madeleine: Not excuses—no—why are you attacking me, Reader A? This post started out so, I don’t know, hopeful and good. My triumphant return to the Mildred. I was going to talk about my progress, how I managed to work through Dreaded Paragraph 2, how Story #1 is almost finished, how the people in my class LOVED the first half of Story #1, and…. Didn’t you see that I wrote five new pages last Monday? You should read that post again. And then read it again.
Reader A: How many pages did you write after that?
Madeleine: (Silence.)
Reader A: None, right? Right?
Madeleine: I revised!
Reader A: But you have to keep the momentum going, Madeleine. You have to learn to keep the momentum going. I thought that’s what the Mildred was all about.
Madeleine: I am building momentum, Reader A. As long as you seem to think it has taken me to write Story #1, in the history of my career as an emerging writer, I’ve hardly worked on it at all. The last story I wrote took me 14 months or so to complete, and the story before that took 18 months AT LEAST. So I am making progress.
Reader A: But you’re never going to finish five stories by the end of May 2010.
Madeleine: I think I will, Reader A.
Reader A: Madeleine! You’re living in a dream world!
Madeleine: I’m not. I’m not. Reader B, what do you have to say about this.
Reader A: There is no Reader B.
Madeleine: Then Agnes? Agnes…?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Madeleine Writes Five New Pages
…in one night! Actually in 3.5 hours.
That is not a typo, readers, or a lie. This is my personal record, I think.
And this morning when I read these new pages, I liked them!
Let’s leave it at that for this momentous day.
But I am in a good mood, readers, so, rest assured, the weekend didn’t turn out as badly as I feared it would. I even learned some things!
But I’ll save that for another post.
One last thing: even though last week I rued the day the Mildred was conceived, I do think that it helped me while writing Story #1, which, alas, is still not complete….
(It can’t be all good news. That would make me very nervous.)
Also, Agnes, come back! Say something! Say SOMEthing!
That is not a typo, readers, or a lie. This is my personal record, I think.
And this morning when I read these new pages, I liked them!
Let’s leave it at that for this momentous day.
But I am in a good mood, readers, so, rest assured, the weekend didn’t turn out as badly as I feared it would. I even learned some things!
But I’ll save that for another post.
One last thing: even though last week I rued the day the Mildred was conceived, I do think that it helped me while writing Story #1, which, alas, is still not complete….
(It can’t be all good news. That would make me very nervous.)
Also, Agnes, come back! Say something! Say SOMEthing!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Agnes Saves Madeleine from Despair
Yesterday I was feeling pretty low.
I was feeling ill; I was tired; my job was making me very angry; I had not written Story #1 the night before, and the deadline was looming; I was stuck in the middle of a paragraph that I could not finish; I could not look at Story #1 anymore, because the more I looked at it, the more confused I was getting; I had hoped to write at work, but that was, of course, impossible; the deadline was looming; I looked up an older story that I sort-of finished in August and thought that I would be forced to workshop that one in my class even though I did not want to; I did not like the older story, when I read it, as much as I thought I did; I started wondering, again, why I always find myself in this position, i.e., working on a story but never finishing it; the deadline was LOOMING; (ASIDE: My boss, as I write this entry, is in the middle of a fight with her 21-year-old son on the telephone. This happens ALL THE TIME. I have already spoken to her about it. She likes to call him Shithead.); I started wondering, again, if I would ever finish anything EVER; I was late to my class because of a work snafu—by work snafu I mean that my incompetent boss (see above) made careless mistakes AGAIN, which is not surprising since she does not know basic grammar and is unable to write a sentence (this is not a joke, unfortunately); when I got to class, they were discussing a Leonard Michaels story that I forgot to read; when we workshopped the stories, I was completely out of sync with my classmates and our leader, i.e., they simply loved a story that I could barely get through; this led me to think: these people are going to HATE my story—and it’s not even going to be finished.
I dragged myself home.
On the way home, I called Agnes. She was in a good mood and happy to hear from me. When I got to the subway entrance, I said I would call her if she wanted me to when I got home. She said, cheerfully, that she didn’t want me to.
(ASIDE #2: 98% of Madeleine’s and Agnes’s fights are about the phone. Agnes doesn’t like to talk on the phone EVER. She didn’t like to talk on the phone when they lived in the same apartment, and she doesn’t like to talk on the phone now that they spend most of their time apart. She doesn’t like to talk on the phone to ANYONE. Madeleine, on the other hand, likes to talk to Agnes on the phone 30 times a day. Sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes because she has something important to tell her (i.e., developments in the lawsuit, train schedules, etc.), and sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes for no reason at all (i.e., she is bored, she wants to hear Agnes’s voice, something happened and she wants to share it with Agnes), and sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes to complain about something or even to take out her frustrations on Agnes. Sorry, Agnes! Madeleine understands why Agnes doesn’t like to talk to other people on the phone—afterall, Madeleine only enjoys talking to one other person on the phone, i.e., our Dear Reader—but why Agnes doesn’t like to talk to Madeleine on the phone—that is much harder for Madeleine to understand, though she is trying. Sometimes Agnes will be doing something, focusing on work or some project, and she will simply forget to call Madeleine. Madeleine admires these feats of concentration; she wishes she could stay focused on projects the way that Agnes does, but Madeleine simply doesn’t understand how Agnes could forget to call her, especially only once a day—especially since Madeleine feels like she thinks about Agnes all the time—and sometimes Madeleine takes this personally, which is when Madeleine and Agnes fight.)
I had to wait a long time for the subway. This gave me more time to think bad thoughts about myself—and also to wonder why Agnes didn’t want me to call her. (See above.) I didn’t get too upset with Agnes this time, though, because I was trying to focus all of my anger on myself.
When I got home, I told myself not to call Agnes, and then I called Agnes. She answered! I told her I was feeling low, that I felt lost, that I simply couldn’t get through the new dreaded paragraph. She asked me what I meant by that. I said that I had sentences, I had details, I knew what was supposed to happen, but I couldn’t get all that information into the correct order, i.e., an order that made sense to me, and onto the page. She said, talk me through it. I said, no. She said, maybe if you talk through it, it will be clearer in your own head. I said, no. She said, try it. I talked it through with Agnes, several times, and Agnes said, see, it’s not so bad. You can do it! You can do it, Madeleine, she said, I know you can.
And I believed her. And I STILL believe her this afternoon, even though I am at work and I am still in the middle of the dreaded paragraph.
So thank you, Agnes. You should use your phone skills more often.
I was feeling ill; I was tired; my job was making me very angry; I had not written Story #1 the night before, and the deadline was looming; I was stuck in the middle of a paragraph that I could not finish; I could not look at Story #1 anymore, because the more I looked at it, the more confused I was getting; I had hoped to write at work, but that was, of course, impossible; the deadline was looming; I looked up an older story that I sort-of finished in August and thought that I would be forced to workshop that one in my class even though I did not want to; I did not like the older story, when I read it, as much as I thought I did; I started wondering, again, why I always find myself in this position, i.e., working on a story but never finishing it; the deadline was LOOMING; (ASIDE: My boss, as I write this entry, is in the middle of a fight with her 21-year-old son on the telephone. This happens ALL THE TIME. I have already spoken to her about it. She likes to call him Shithead.); I started wondering, again, if I would ever finish anything EVER; I was late to my class because of a work snafu—by work snafu I mean that my incompetent boss (see above) made careless mistakes AGAIN, which is not surprising since she does not know basic grammar and is unable to write a sentence (this is not a joke, unfortunately); when I got to class, they were discussing a Leonard Michaels story that I forgot to read; when we workshopped the stories, I was completely out of sync with my classmates and our leader, i.e., they simply loved a story that I could barely get through; this led me to think: these people are going to HATE my story—and it’s not even going to be finished.
I dragged myself home.
On the way home, I called Agnes. She was in a good mood and happy to hear from me. When I got to the subway entrance, I said I would call her if she wanted me to when I got home. She said, cheerfully, that she didn’t want me to.
(ASIDE #2: 98% of Madeleine’s and Agnes’s fights are about the phone. Agnes doesn’t like to talk on the phone EVER. She didn’t like to talk on the phone when they lived in the same apartment, and she doesn’t like to talk on the phone now that they spend most of their time apart. She doesn’t like to talk on the phone to ANYONE. Madeleine, on the other hand, likes to talk to Agnes on the phone 30 times a day. Sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes because she has something important to tell her (i.e., developments in the lawsuit, train schedules, etc.), and sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes for no reason at all (i.e., she is bored, she wants to hear Agnes’s voice, something happened and she wants to share it with Agnes), and sometimes Madeleine will call Agnes to complain about something or even to take out her frustrations on Agnes. Sorry, Agnes! Madeleine understands why Agnes doesn’t like to talk to other people on the phone—afterall, Madeleine only enjoys talking to one other person on the phone, i.e., our Dear Reader—but why Agnes doesn’t like to talk to Madeleine on the phone—that is much harder for Madeleine to understand, though she is trying. Sometimes Agnes will be doing something, focusing on work or some project, and she will simply forget to call Madeleine. Madeleine admires these feats of concentration; she wishes she could stay focused on projects the way that Agnes does, but Madeleine simply doesn’t understand how Agnes could forget to call her, especially only once a day—especially since Madeleine feels like she thinks about Agnes all the time—and sometimes Madeleine takes this personally, which is when Madeleine and Agnes fight.)
I had to wait a long time for the subway. This gave me more time to think bad thoughts about myself—and also to wonder why Agnes didn’t want me to call her. (See above.) I didn’t get too upset with Agnes this time, though, because I was trying to focus all of my anger on myself.
When I got home, I told myself not to call Agnes, and then I called Agnes. She answered! I told her I was feeling low, that I felt lost, that I simply couldn’t get through the new dreaded paragraph. She asked me what I meant by that. I said that I had sentences, I had details, I knew what was supposed to happen, but I couldn’t get all that information into the correct order, i.e., an order that made sense to me, and onto the page. She said, talk me through it. I said, no. She said, maybe if you talk through it, it will be clearer in your own head. I said, no. She said, try it. I talked it through with Agnes, several times, and Agnes said, see, it’s not so bad. You can do it! You can do it, Madeleine, she said, I know you can.
And I believed her. And I STILL believe her this afternoon, even though I am at work and I am still in the middle of the dreaded paragraph.
So thank you, Agnes. You should use your phone skills more often.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Madeleine Even MORE Frightened
I am stuck on one paragraph again. Now THIS is the most important paragraph in Story #1. I thought the dreaded paragraph of a month ago was the most important paragraph in the story--and by most important I mean most difficult paragraph to write--but no, it's this one, the one I am in the middle of right now.
If I could just write this one paragraph, then the whole section and thus the whole story would fall into place.
Why didn't I finish this story last week? Why aren't I revising now?
(I don't work that way, obviously.)
My first impulse is to call it a night--I'm too tired, I'm not thinking clearly enough, I'm in the middle of it and I need to step back--but that's what I did last night, and here I am again.
I'm not panicking, but I am very uncomfortable. Ert.
Story #2 looks like paradise right now, heaven. I can't wait until I'm writing Story #2. It is going to be so much easier to write than Story #1, and, anyway, I won't let it come to this...
Prepare for disappointment, readers!
If I could just write this one paragraph, then the whole section and thus the whole story would fall into place.
Why didn't I finish this story last week? Why aren't I revising now?
(I don't work that way, obviously.)
My first impulse is to call it a night--I'm too tired, I'm not thinking clearly enough, I'm in the middle of it and I need to step back--but that's what I did last night, and here I am again.
I'm not panicking, but I am very uncomfortable. Ert.
Story #2 looks like paradise right now, heaven. I can't wait until I'm writing Story #2. It is going to be so much easier to write than Story #1, and, anyway, I won't let it come to this...
Prepare for disappointment, readers!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Inside Madeleine's Head, a Play
Last night in bed, or it might have been this morning, I started rethinking what would be acceptable for me to turn in to my class on Friday as Story #1.
I present to you: Inside Madeleine's Head, a play in agonized silence
MADELEINE on bed, awake. AGNES is next to her, blissfully asleep, completely unaware of the turmoil going on inside her beloved's head, which is only ten inches from her own.
MADELEINE does not speak, but from her anxious expression and clenched jaw, it is clear that she is thinking about something unpleasant--for example: bad choices she has made, promises she has failed to keep, expectations she never manages to meet, etc. She is under a lot of pressure! Perhaps her back is aching again; she went to the chiropractor twice this week for neck pain. (Note to actress portraying MADELEINE: This pain is unusual; prior to this week, MADELEINE had not been to a chiropractor in four years.)
MADELEINE (thinking)
I really want to finish Story #1, but time is running out and perhaps it would be okay for me to hand in only the first two sections of it, as long as I make those first two sections as good as they can possibly be. That would be pretty amazing, actually! The first two sections are really difficult to write, so if I finish them and am happy with them, etc., then turning them in on Friday and finishing the complete draft shortly thereafter would certainly be ok, even admirable. And, really, the first two sections don't need to be the best that they can be--they just need to be finished. As long as I finish the first two sections by Friday evening and turn them into the class then I will have no reason to feel ashamed of myself and my efforts, especially since if I finish the first two sections by Friday, then I will certainly be able to finish the rest of the story in no time, probably in only a few days--at the most a few days--because I know that once I am finished with the first two sections, I am going to feel like, wow, the story is basically done, all I have left is the silly third section, and the silly third section won't be so difficult to write compared to the first two sections, which were extremely difficult to write.
When Agnes is awake, I have to tell her again about how very difficult the first two sections of my story are to write. Because if Agnes knows how difficult they are to write she will judge me less harshly on Friday when I don't finish Story #1.
MADELEINE looks at AGNES. AGNES sleeps.
Dear Agnes understands me and she will still love me if I hand in only the first two sections of Story #1 on Friday, so...
MADELEINE realizes she has pulled all of the covers to her side of the bed. She replaces them over AGNES, carefully so as not to wake her. Note to actress portraying AGNES: You remain completely still during the play, but at this moment, it is clear that you feel very lucky to have MADELEINE in your life, despite all of her craziness and the frenzy which you sense is fast approaching.
Suddenly, MADELEINE sits up. She looks frightened. She has just remembered something awful.
But those blog readers! They are counting on you! They are invested in your success! They are waiting and reading to see if you will finish Story #1 by Friday--and in fact they expect you NOT to finish it! They will judge you harshly! They will stop reading if you don't finish Story #1 on Friday. Why would they keep reading after you had betrayed them? Unless they are readers who like to watch a car crash. Who doesn't like to watch a car crash? Perhaps you will have MORE readers if you fail to finish a complete draft of Story #1 by Friday. No one will read this blog if I meet my goal. What's so interesting about someone who meets all her goals? What's so interesting about a successful, happy person? Where's the drama in that?
Perhaps, Madeleine, you are invested in failure? Perhaps, Madeleine, you are more comfortable when you do NOT meet your goals?
MADELEINE lies down on the bed.
Is it "lies" down on the bed or is it "lays" down on the bed? How can I NOT know such a simple thing? I'll choose "lies" but no doubt I have chosen wrong. I always make bad choices. I never get anything right. I must avoid this verb, this saying, in the future. I must...
MADELEINE's thoughts become too confusing, even to her, as all the things she must avoid start pressing down on her from above and the unseen deadline presses up on her from below. She is frightened. Very frightened.
END OF PLAY
I present to you: Inside Madeleine's Head, a play in agonized silence
MADELEINE on bed, awake. AGNES is next to her, blissfully asleep, completely unaware of the turmoil going on inside her beloved's head, which is only ten inches from her own.
MADELEINE does not speak, but from her anxious expression and clenched jaw, it is clear that she is thinking about something unpleasant--for example: bad choices she has made, promises she has failed to keep, expectations she never manages to meet, etc. She is under a lot of pressure! Perhaps her back is aching again; she went to the chiropractor twice this week for neck pain. (Note to actress portraying MADELEINE: This pain is unusual; prior to this week, MADELEINE had not been to a chiropractor in four years.)
MADELEINE (thinking)
I really want to finish Story #1, but time is running out and perhaps it would be okay for me to hand in only the first two sections of it, as long as I make those first two sections as good as they can possibly be. That would be pretty amazing, actually! The first two sections are really difficult to write, so if I finish them and am happy with them, etc., then turning them in on Friday and finishing the complete draft shortly thereafter would certainly be ok, even admirable. And, really, the first two sections don't need to be the best that they can be--they just need to be finished. As long as I finish the first two sections by Friday evening and turn them into the class then I will have no reason to feel ashamed of myself and my efforts, especially since if I finish the first two sections by Friday, then I will certainly be able to finish the rest of the story in no time, probably in only a few days--at the most a few days--because I know that once I am finished with the first two sections, I am going to feel like, wow, the story is basically done, all I have left is the silly third section, and the silly third section won't be so difficult to write compared to the first two sections, which were extremely difficult to write.
When Agnes is awake, I have to tell her again about how very difficult the first two sections of my story are to write. Because if Agnes knows how difficult they are to write she will judge me less harshly on Friday when I don't finish Story #1.
MADELEINE looks at AGNES. AGNES sleeps.
Dear Agnes understands me and she will still love me if I hand in only the first two sections of Story #1 on Friday, so...
MADELEINE realizes she has pulled all of the covers to her side of the bed. She replaces them over AGNES, carefully so as not to wake her. Note to actress portraying AGNES: You remain completely still during the play, but at this moment, it is clear that you feel very lucky to have MADELEINE in your life, despite all of her craziness and the frenzy which you sense is fast approaching.
Suddenly, MADELEINE sits up. She looks frightened. She has just remembered something awful.
But those blog readers! They are counting on you! They are invested in your success! They are waiting and reading to see if you will finish Story #1 by Friday--and in fact they expect you NOT to finish it! They will judge you harshly! They will stop reading if you don't finish Story #1 on Friday. Why would they keep reading after you had betrayed them? Unless they are readers who like to watch a car crash. Who doesn't like to watch a car crash? Perhaps you will have MORE readers if you fail to finish a complete draft of Story #1 by Friday. No one will read this blog if I meet my goal. What's so interesting about someone who meets all her goals? What's so interesting about a successful, happy person? Where's the drama in that?
Perhaps, Madeleine, you are invested in failure? Perhaps, Madeleine, you are more comfortable when you do NOT meet your goals?
MADELEINE lies down on the bed.
Is it "lies" down on the bed or is it "lays" down on the bed? How can I NOT know such a simple thing? I'll choose "lies" but no doubt I have chosen wrong. I always make bad choices. I never get anything right. I must avoid this verb, this saying, in the future. I must...
MADELEINE's thoughts become too confusing, even to her, as all the things she must avoid start pressing down on her from above and the unseen deadline presses up on her from below. She is frightened. Very frightened.
END OF PLAY
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