Madeleine Overwhelmed Again (or Still)

I am sitting at my desk, trying to proceed with what remains of my novel (yes, Readers, that novel) but unable to proceed with it, because I am feeling overwhelmed, and so I thought that perhaps I should write down in a notebook what I was feeling (or "am" feeling, the tenses are not going to be consistent in this post, Readers, I am that overwhelmed--and the grammar is going to be poor as well), because sometimes that (i.e., the writing down) helps me organize my thoughts and choose what to do next, but then I was overwhelmed by the number of notebooks on my desk, and couldn't choose one (this is an ongoing problem with me--I have so many notebooks with so many notes but rarely look at them, and then when I do look at them, there are so many that I become overwhelmed)... And now I have to begin this again. I've lost my thread. I was using too many parentheses.

That was (is) a very confusing paragraph, Readers. Unfortunately, it is also an accurate portrait of how I am feeling right now. (Am I using "portrait" correctly here?)

(Also, did I use em dashes in previous posts? I love an em dash, but those aren't em dashes above...Perhaps I wrote my posts in Word when I used to write in the Mildred?)

But I left out the most important part of that paragraph! What I was trying to say was that in thinking that I should write down my thoughts while I was sitting here at my desk today, I suddenly thought of the Mildred. And I suddenly thought that I should return to it, that I should write my thoughts there, that I could return to the Mildred as I am finishing my book, that it would be a fitting end to the Mildred, i.e., proof that I finished what I set out to do.

This might be my worst post ever...

Is this helping? Or will this help? "This" being returning to the Mildred after so many years? Perhaps my desire to return to the Mildred means that I am truly going to finish the book in the coming months. I don't even know if this is the correct voice to use... Does this sound like me, Readers? I haven't read the Mildred in a very long time. I can't remember what I sounded like. Is a return going to make me feel even more overwhelmed?

One good thing is that I was able to write even these sentences, or thoughts. This effort at posting (ugh, the tortured language!) has at least made me organize some thoughts, or ideas, or something.

My point is: I might be returning to the Mildred as I finish my book.

I will think on it, see how I feel after this post has been posted. ("This post has been posted"! I am rusty...) Maybe I will mention it to Agnes, who is still by my side (figuratively), though I won't mention it to her yet. If she reads this post, she'll certainly tell me not to return.

Agnes, incidentally, still doesn't smoke. She achieved her goal. I must achieve mine!