Madeleine Freaks Out

I have to turn in Story #1 to my class tomorrow morning. I am NOT going to finish it.

I am trying to change the way I go about writing a story, my process, etc., but it can't be changed. Before I can move on and write new parts of a story, I have to go back and revise the parts that I have written. Only when I am happy with them can I move on and write new sections.

I don't want it (i.e., my writing process) to be this way, but it is. If I act against it, I get blocked.

I have revised the parts that I wanted to revise, and I am so happy with them now. But that took some time. As I said I was very happy to take that time because I feel like the writing that I got done was good. Now, though, it's impossible for me to finish this story by tomorrow AM.

Also, I feel like the reaction I got from the class when I showed the first half of the story, while it felt good, is NOT helping. Whatever I do in this second half, especially whatever I do now as I rush to finish something, is going to disappoint.

It shouldn't matter, I know. But my point is that I don't want to talk about it if I have to rush to turn it in, because I already know what the problems are going to be.

Agnes just tried to calm me down, soothe my nerves, and that's nice, I appreciate it, but still the story will not be finished in time. I am very disappointed.

Maybe I should turn in a different story? I don't want to.

I guess all I can do is keep working on the story tonight and do what I can do. I can't think about finishing the story; I can only think about finishing the next part of the story.

Having said all this, I am very happy with the story and with my progress. Really. I was going to type something else but now I've forgotten what it was.

LATER: That was all a bit dramatic, wasn't it?

I am writing the story again. It will not be finished by tomorrow, yes, but it's okay.

This, too, is progress. Normally, or before, I would have paralyzed myself.