Madeleine Gets Motivated (Again)

I can't believe it has been seven days since I posted on the Mildred. But last week was not the best week for me--I felt crazy, useless, trapped, etc. etc., for various reasons: tensions between Agnes and me (she alluded to this in her post); noise in the middle of the night from the apartment below (I think video games hooked up to massive speakers positioned underneath my bed); hatred of work and each and every one of my colleagues; and as always my unresolved lawsuit (over our apartment) hovering behind all of it. And, yes, no writing accomplished and, hence, FAILURE!

Are there people who can separate what is going on in their lives from their writing? I think there are, and there are certainly people who can funnel their daily struggles, feelings, fights, and the rest of it into their writing--writers who can "use" all of it and get things done. Why aren't I one of these writers? I always conclude that I am not trying hard enough, but maybe that's NOT the reason. (I know that's not the reason). Or maybe all those writers who say they can do that are lying.

But this week will be different! I made lists of things I need to do--lists always help me focus--and I am out early this morning and writing this post. I had a wonderful weekend with Agnes, and I am so pleased that she has quit smoking again and has returned to the Mildred. It motivates me in so many ways. (And if anyone out there needs Agnes to clean an apartment or workspace or organize anything, ask her now. She loves to clean things when she quits smoking.) My first class was last week and I enjoyed it and more importantly I have a definite deadline now: October 28th. Story #1 must be completed by then; of course, I plan on finishing it sooner than that. I was thinking about Story #1 last night and getting excited about it again. (By Friday, after wallowing in all of the above for several days, needless to say, I HATED Story #1.) And I must say that I was so happy to read a comment on the Mildred last week from someone NOT our dear reader. Nothing against our dear reader, mind you, he's wonderful, but it was a thoughtful, inspiring comment from a reader I don't know, and it made me feel not so alone in my struggles, which is always a nice thing.

No writing last night, though, as I said, I did think about Story #1.