It's not working.
I am not enjoying it at all.
It is so flat.
I am forcing it.
I want it to be short.
I want it to be unlike the other stories.
I want it to be uplifting, but only at the end.
The last paragraph will be uplifting, but not too uplifting.
I can't write uplifting.
I don't mean "uplifting," I mean something else but don't have the word for it.
That's the problem--I don't have the word for it.
The opposite of bleak.
Writing this blog post is so much more enjoyable than writing the story.
I don't have a title for it.
I don't like the title of this blog post.
The other stories had the title first.
Maybe I should come up with a title first like I did with the other stories.
Time is passing and I must meet my self-imposed deadline.
The second draft is going to be really hard.
What if, after all this, I can't finish the second draft?
I will feel awful.
I am feeling awful about it already.
I know, Dear Reader, I should not think that far ahead, stay in the now, etc., etc., but it's hard not to think about it.
I have spent all this time and I've told people that I'm almost finished with draft one and that draft two will be finished in April.
I told them to make it more real, but I shouldn't have told anyone.
I will feel like a failure.
I will be a failure.
Agnes will still love me, possibly.
No she will love me, but she will be disappointed or at least she will be the opposite of proud.
That's a good title: The Opposite of Proud
Another good title I thought of this week: Please Don't Bring a Guest
Neither of those titles work for this story.
I never meet my self-imposed deadlines.
Think of something positive, quick: I know what happens in the story.
The story does not have to be long.
The story functions more like a coda, or should function that way.
The second to last story is the more important story, and the story before that is even more important.
This last story is not so important.
If I could finish this story, then I could move on and start rewriting.
I have been wanting to rewrite for months now, I love rewriting, I love polishing sentences, but I have to come up with a new process for rewriting, and that will be hard.
I don't want to fall into the old traps, i.e., take six months to rewrite a story.
I have two weeks to rewrite each story.
Is that enough?
Quick, another positive thought: I know what my next book is going to be about.
It will be a short book, and I will write it fast.
I just thought of a title for the story, but it's an old title, and I really don't like it. That's why I didn't use it the first time.
The book, the current book, I mean, is about time passing and I am thinking about time passing.
It's about time.
I have to give this post an uplifting ending, because it will make me feel better.
I have so many pages written!
I wrote so many pages!
Even if I change every single page, at least I have those pages to change.
That uplifting ending sounds forced.
I want the ending of my book to be like the end of Penelope Fitzgerald's novel, The Gate of Angels.
I remember thinking 15 pages from the end of that book, how is she going to get to the inevitable end, and then she did it, and then the book was over.
Endings are hard.
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