Madeleine Returns

Agnes just came home from work, and I was telling her everything that I had accomplished today, a list that did not include writing, and she interrupted me and said, "Did you write on the Mildred?"

It surprised me, because we haven't talked about the Mildred in a long time, but I was ready with a response: "No, not yet," I said, "but I'm going to," but that was a lie, because I was most definitely NOT going to write on the Mildred today. I have lots of other things to do, plus the Mildred is a lot more work than people think! But then I felt guilty--not about lying to Agnes, but about the fact that I have not been writing on the Mildred--and so here I am.

At least I can say that I stopped writing on the Mildred, because I have been writing a lot. I have a new process, thanks, largely, to Our Dear Reader, which involves word counts and focus and writing every day--but this leaves little time to write on the Mildred. After writing at my job, then writing my daily word count and revisions, the last thing I want to do, the last thing I feel inspired to do, is write on the Mildred.

But part of the new process is also about inspiration, i.e., you can't sit around waiting for inspiration if you want to finish things. I think this applies to the Mildred as well. The Mildred was a way of keeping track of my progress with my stories in a public way, an effort to not get bogged down in my process, or--that's not quite right--an effort to make my process public and thereby less fraught. (Am I saying that right? Am I being clear?)

This entry isn't particularly inspired or fun or clear, actually I'm finding it quite frustrating, which is the way I feel most days when I write, which is why I should be writing on the Mildred, etc. etc. Plus I made a deal and I have to see it through. Agnes saw hers through--she is still not smoking, yay for Agnes, though she talks about it often...

Anyway, I think it's important that I get back to the Mildred. So I am going to make more of an effort at doing so from now on.