Really? I haven't posted since April 2nd? I knew that I hadn't posted in a long time, but I didn't think it had been that long. I certainly thought I had posted several times in April.
Anyway, here I am again, excusing my inconsistency.
I was thinking about the Mildred, though, all weekend--thinking, actually, that I have to post soon. Then I was speaking to Our Dear Reader (though, frankly, I am not sure that he or anyone else is reading this blog anymore) and he asked me when I was going to post on the Mildred again and insisted that I do it. And I agree with him; I do have to do it. I have to see this blog through (it will end once I have finished five stories). Writing on the blog is just as important as finishing the five stories, or at least it is all part of the same project, i.e., to complete things.
So I am working on Story #2--yes, still just #2--but it's going pretty well. I am writing a quick first draft, which means that I am writing out a complete draft of the story in longhand. And by writing out I mean that I am writing down everything that comes into my head when I am sitting at my desk--everything to do with the story, I mean--and writing it in paragraphs (NOT notes) and moving through the story from the beginning to the end. This will help me get a basic structure for the story, I hope, keep me from getting blocked and from working on the same paragraph (or even sentence) for weeks or months, and help me make organic connections in the story--or help organic connections to make themselves in the story. (Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does.) But it seems to be working: I am progressing through the story from the beginning to the end (I am in the middle right now); I am not blocking myself from writing; I have figured out ideas/connections/themes in the story that I wouldn't have figured out otherwise, or at least I wouldn't have figured them out this quickly.
Does it sound like I am feeling pretty good about this new process? Well, I am.
For the first week or so, I still had thoughts like, yuck I have to go write, and I would delay and delay and delay and eventually get something done. Now, though, I feel like I have to write, even look forward to it, though I didn't write yesterday. I don't feel guilty about not writing one day, though, because all the other days I have been writing and I am on target to finish this first draft of Story #2 at the end of the week, which is amazing for me. And if I don't, I will not wallow in my failure, I'll just keep going until it is done.
The next step--after the loose first draft--is to type it into my computer, then edit. Scary thoughts just came into my head... But that's all later. For now, I am pleased with my progress--and pleased that I wrote on the Mildred. Yay for me. I will try to update this more then twice a month from now on, but I've said that before...
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Madeleine Needs a Change
I have been neglecting the Mildred again this week, and, yes, readers, that means I have been neglecting Story #2 as well. I say "that means" because my Mildred writing is a perfect reflection of the progress of my fiction writing.
But I have excuses! I was sick for most of the week, fighting a cold, and I was working at my crap office, too, more than usual. I could not focus with my head all stuffed up and my boss having breakdowns. Next week I have days off and I am planning to get a lot of writing done, but, then, I am planning a lot for those days, per usual. Agnes is sick, too, sicker than I am; that does NOT explain, however, why she has not written on the Mildred since March 23rd. And she is doing so well with her not smoking. Come back, Agnes!
So, okay, I haven't been writing, but I have been thinking about Story #2 a lot. When I write "Story #2" I think: really, only Story #2??? And then I think, well, at least it's not Story #1. (I can only imagine what you think, readers.) It's funny. After all my struggles with Story #1, I haven't looked at it since I finished it and sent it to some friends. That is progress, I think. I used to finish a story and then continue to look at it and fetishize it and feel so good about myself for having finished it. This time I feel like I finished that story and moved on because I have so much more to do.
I have also been thinking a lot about change this week, as in: I need a change. (My birthday is coming up, and that's when these thoughts crop up.) How will I bring about a substantial change in my life? Agnes will be moving back soon, so that will be a change for the good, but the change I really want is for my work to be out there in the world, for people I don't know to be reading it and discussing it and hating it or loving it or skipping over it. This is a good thought and a bad thought. (I must judge every thought.) Good because it will inspire me to finish, etc., etc., but bad because it can't be the reason I write, by which I mean, too much pressure! And also writing for the wrong reason. ERT! I feel like I'm falling into self-help speak (especially using THAT phrase) but you know what I mean, readers. And this is important, too: as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, this is such a dumb blog entry, this can't count, just as I've been worrying all week that I can only write things now that count--time cannot be wasted!--I cannot write a bad blog entry, a bad novel, a bad story, a bad paragraph, even, because I need to finish, because finishing will lead to change and change will lead to...I don't know what.
I will leave it at that. I had something else to add but my despised neighbor just turned up his music and I lost my train of thought.
No writing last night.
But I have excuses! I was sick for most of the week, fighting a cold, and I was working at my crap office, too, more than usual. I could not focus with my head all stuffed up and my boss having breakdowns. Next week I have days off and I am planning to get a lot of writing done, but, then, I am planning a lot for those days, per usual. Agnes is sick, too, sicker than I am; that does NOT explain, however, why she has not written on the Mildred since March 23rd. And she is doing so well with her not smoking. Come back, Agnes!
So, okay, I haven't been writing, but I have been thinking about Story #2 a lot. When I write "Story #2" I think: really, only Story #2??? And then I think, well, at least it's not Story #1. (I can only imagine what you think, readers.) It's funny. After all my struggles with Story #1, I haven't looked at it since I finished it and sent it to some friends. That is progress, I think. I used to finish a story and then continue to look at it and fetishize it and feel so good about myself for having finished it. This time I feel like I finished that story and moved on because I have so much more to do.
I have also been thinking a lot about change this week, as in: I need a change. (My birthday is coming up, and that's when these thoughts crop up.) How will I bring about a substantial change in my life? Agnes will be moving back soon, so that will be a change for the good, but the change I really want is for my work to be out there in the world, for people I don't know to be reading it and discussing it and hating it or loving it or skipping over it. This is a good thought and a bad thought. (I must judge every thought.) Good because it will inspire me to finish, etc., etc., but bad because it can't be the reason I write, by which I mean, too much pressure! And also writing for the wrong reason. ERT! I feel like I'm falling into self-help speak (especially using THAT phrase) but you know what I mean, readers. And this is important, too: as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, this is such a dumb blog entry, this can't count, just as I've been worrying all week that I can only write things now that count--time cannot be wasted!--I cannot write a bad blog entry, a bad novel, a bad story, a bad paragraph, even, because I need to finish, because finishing will lead to change and change will lead to...I don't know what.
I will leave it at that. I had something else to add but my despised neighbor just turned up his music and I lost my train of thought.
No writing last night.
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