Why, Madeleine, Why?

"Why haven't you finished Story #1 yet?" That was the question from Our Dear Reader last night (or the night before that, I can't remember). It might have been followed with something like, "I mean, come on!"

I am not calling out ODR. I always appreciate any advice, commentary, etc. etc., he has to share with me, and in fact, whenever ODR starts asking those questions, I encourage him to keep asking them, possibly because I think that eventually I will hit on the answer and then EVERYTHING will be finished! (This is much bigger than just Story #1, readers.) Anyway, I am only pointing it out, i.e., that he asked me the question, because these are the same types of questions I ask myself every day, sometimes several times per day.

I imagine that this is the same question that EVERYONE asks about me, and by EVERYONE I mean anyone who knows that I am a writer.

And, really, I know that EVERYONE is NOT asking this question about me! They don't have time to think about it or they don't care or (choose a reason). . . . But clearly I think I am being judged. That's one reason why I am not finishing it--once it is finished, people will judge it, and they will judge me, probably harshly. (That's my thinking--and it's irrational, I know, since strangers who read the first part of Story #1 LOVED it. I don't believe them! And if I did, that's another reason why I am not finishing it; they loved the first part, so they're bound to hate the second, unless I work on it and work on it and make it perfect and it will never be perfect.) Or it could be that I like to have people waiting on me--I am in control! I will produce when I want to produce! Wait!

I think, though, that the conversation with ODR the other night resonated with me in a new way. Maybe it's the new year? When he said, "I mean, come on!" (if he did say that; I might have been thinking it) I thought (two thoughts at once!), he's right! What's the big deal? Finish the story the best you can and move on!

(Incidentally, I have been obsessively watching a clip on youtube of Bernadette Peters singing "Move On" for the last two days. Agnes, reading this, is mortified.)

Anyway, some writing today at work--but a play! Doesn't count. I am going to work on Story #1 now. (I will tell you tomorrow if I actually did.)